"How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together."
(78)
"How do you make 7 even?" "Take away the s."
(74)
"Where do you learn to make a banana split?" "Sundae school."
(86)
"How do you get a good price on a sled?" "You have toboggan."
(85)
"Dad, can you put the cat out?" "I didn't know it was on fire."
(62)
"What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?" "Where's Pop Corn?"
(74)
"What's a robot's favorite snack?" "Computer chips."
(72)
"Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island."
(67)
"I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless."
(81)
"I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn't concentrate."
(82)
"What do you call a fake noodle?" "An impasta."
(69)
"Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet."
(70)
"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's okay, he woke up."
(72)
"I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off."
(72)
"What do you call a factory that makes okay products?" "A satisfactory."
(84)
"What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street?" "Traffic jam."
(89)
"What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam."
(81)
"What did the ocean say to the beach?" "Nothing, it just waved."
(73)
"You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg."
(83)
"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles."
(74)
"What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream."
(60)
"What does a sprinter eat before a race?" "Nothing, they fast!"
(86)
"Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems."
(65)
"What do you call a pony with a sore throat?" "A little hoarse."
(84)
"What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?" "Supplies!"
(70)
"What did one hat say to the other?" "Stay here! I'm going on ahead."
(98)
"Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents."
(67)
"What kind of car does an egg drive?" "A yolkswagen."
(84)
"What do you call a hot dog on wheels?" "Fast food!"
(77)
"Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!"
(80)
"How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?" "Nothing, it's on the house."
(74)
"Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the 'no-bell' prize."
(98)
"I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction."
(92)
"What country's capital is growing the fastest?" "Ireland. Every day it's Dublin."
(76)
"That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted."
(89)
"I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing."
(76)
"Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones."
(82)
"Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable."
(75)
"My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!"
(76)
"How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut."
(82)
"What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows."
(92)
"I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea."
(87)
"I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along."
(68)
"I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands."
(77)
"What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?" "Yellow!"
(80)
"I don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady."
(87)
"When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?"
(78)
"I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
(78)
"I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me."
(73)
"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!"
(79)
"Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends."
(80)
"How did Harry Potter get down the hill?" "Walking. JK! Rowling."
(82)
"How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it."
(94)
"I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I'm just doing it for kicks!"
(86)
"A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest."
(80)
"Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"
(81)
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
(62)
"Dad, can you put my shoes on?" "No, I don't think they'll fit me."
(81)
"What did one wall say to the other?" "I'll meet you at the corner."
(90)
"What did the zero say to the eight?" "That belt looks good on you."
(135)
"Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field."
(77)
"What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!"
(90)
"If you see a crime happen at the Apple store, what does it make you?" "An iWitness."
(82)
"Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb."
(89)
"What does garlic do when it gets hot?" "It takes its cloves off."
(92)
"It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad. It's a faux pa."
(69)
"How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree?" "By its bark."
(87)
"I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y."
(63)
"This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in."
(79)
"Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants."
(73)
"Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up."
(78)
"Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them."
(80)
"Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain?" "It didn't have the guts."
(68)
"How does a taco say grace?" "Lettuce pray."
(93)
"What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar."
(70)
"What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y."
(82)
"My dad told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line."
(99)
"What's the best thing about Switzerland?" "I don't know, but the flag is a big plus."
(79)
"Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!"
(80)
"What does a bee use to brush its hair?" "A honeycomb!"
(80)
"What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?" "A meltdown."
(73)
"Do you wanna box for your leftovers?" "No, but I'll wrestle you for them."
(76)
"What do clouds wear?" "Thunderwear."
(78)
"Did you know corduroy pillows are in style? They're making headlines."
(96)
"What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese."
(80)
"How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!"
(82)
"Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!"
(78)
"Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels."
(72)
"A skeleton walks into a bar and says, 'Hey, bartender. I'll have one beer and a mop.'"
(83)
"My partner said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward."
(73)
"Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired."
(88)
"Where do boats go when they're sick?" "To the boat doc."
(57)
"Have you ever tried to catch a fog? I tried yesterday but I mist."
(97)
"I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know..."
(79)
"Where do young trees go to learn?" "Elementree school."
(80)
"How does the moon cut his hair?" "Eclipse it."
(87)
"What has more letters than the alphabet?" "The post office!"
(90)
"I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy."
(81)
"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?" "Sofishticated."
(76)
"A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'"
(68)
"Why is Peter Pan always flying?" "He neverlands."
(69)
"Where do math teachers go on vacation?" "Times Square."
(72)
"Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera."
(58)
"What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta."
(73)
"I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind."
(90)
"Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot."
(87)
"What do you call a belt made of watches?" "A waist of time."
(77)
"How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?" "You follow the fresh prints."
(68)
"Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?" "In case they get a hole in one!"
(64)
"Why are piggy banks so wise?" "They're filled with common cents."
(66)
"What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!"
(93)
"If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?"
(83)
"Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas."
(66)
"Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers."
(76)
"What did the coffee report to the police? A mugging."
(92)
"What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?" "Prime mates."
(72)
"Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?" "Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels."
(73)
"Can February March? No, but April May!"
(97)
"Where do fruits go on vacation?" "Pear-is!"
(82)
"I'm afraid for the calendar. It's days are numbered."
(64)
"When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent."
(79)
"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."
(68)
"How do lawyers say goodbye? We'll be suing ya!"
(88)
"If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?" "Pilgrims."
(84)
"What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?" "They're both Paris sites."
(91)
"What do you call a poor Santa Claus?" "St. Nickel-less."
(70)
"What is the national dish of crypto? SpagETHi."
(1)
"What happens to a fruit when it passes away? It rests in peach."
(1)
"Son: Hey dad! I decided to take your advice and invest in Cardano. Dad: ADA boy!"
(1)
"Where does an Eskimo keep his Bitcoin? In a cold wallet."
(1)
"I had a silver dollar, but then my dog got a hold of it. Now I have a Bit-coin."
(1)